T.D. Counselling Psychology

SOME JOKES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

2009-10-22T18:53:00.002+02:00

PSYCHOLOGIST’S ANSWERPHONE MESSAGE:

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

· If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

· If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

· If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

· If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

· If you have Low Self-Esteem, just hang up. None of our representatives would talk to someone like you!

· If you are Delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.

· If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

· If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

· If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

· If you occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex."
The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.
The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"
The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"
The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex."
"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO! I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?!"

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me."

"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen! Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages. Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too. Patient: Good, you should come see my collection. I've got hundreds of them.

Two psychiatrists pass in the hall. The first says, "Hello." The other thinks, "I wonder what he meant by that."

CHOOSING A COUNSELLOR

2009-10-22T14:13:00.000+02:00

Most of us feel some concerns, uncertainty, and even fears, when we decide to find a counsellor. In fact, it really IS important to get it right because, over and over again, research has shown that the most important factor that leads to a successful counselling outcome is the relationship between the client and the therapist.

In that counselling relationship, the two things most highly rated by clients are feeling comfortable with the counsellor and feeling that they can establish trust.

Different counsellors have different working styles and personalities and there is no ‘right or wrong’ here - it’s really about finding someone who is right FOR YOU.

So, where do you start?

Before you even start looking, it might be good to ask yourself some questions about the sorts of things that are important to you when choosing the right person. The questions will of course be different for each individual, but here are some ideas:

1. Do I want my counsellor to have specialist expertise in the area related to my particular problem?

2. Do I particularly want a counsellor who is male/female?

3. How important is location?

4. Do I need to think particularly about availability?

5. Do I want a counsellor whose first language is English (or Spanish or any other language)?

6. What about fees? Do I need a counsellor who offers concessionary fees?

7. Does the age of my therapist matter to me?

8. Is it important to me that my therapist is culturally aware or perhaps even has a similar cultural background?

9. Do I want my counsellor to share certain values (e.g. religious)?

10. Do I want a therapist who has a particular theoretical orientation?*

* This last question is a bit of a thorny one and some people feel that they need to be an expert in types of therapy before they even start!

Well, the different theories are really just different opinions about what causes (and in turn) what helps psychological problems. Again, there are really no right or wrong answers, but it may be helpful if both the counsellor and the client have similar views.

So let’s look at a couple of examples (which I have grossly oversimplified – My apologies if I offend anyone!):

Psychodynamic therapy – this has as its starting point that problems have their origins in childhood experiences which we carry forward in life in our unconscious. Eventually the conscious and unconscious motivations may come into conflict with each other, which can lead to unhappiness and difficulty in relationship with others, as well as to self-sabotage. A psychodynamic therapist will try to help you make these unconscious feelings conscious, so that you can come to terms with them or resolve them.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) – this puts a strong emphasis on what's happening here and now and would rarely probe into the history of the problem. A CBT therapist would try to see how the aspects of thinking, behaving, emotions and physical feelings relate to each other, and help the person become aware of different ways of going about things, ways of breaking old habits and vicious circles. These are just two of the many therapies! I have chosen these two because they are towards opposite ends of the spectrum of theories.

You may be wondering why it is important for you to know a bit about how your therapist works. So let’s suppose you have a problem, say a phobia (fear of flying perhaps)... You might feel that it’s not important WHY you have the phobia – you just want to be rid of it. If you go to a psychodynamic therapist you might be frustrated by the whole process of delving into your unconscious and your childhood. On the other hand, you might believe that, if you don’t get to the root of your problem, you may never really solve it. In this case, if you go to a CBT therapist you might feel upset because the source of your problem has not been looked at.

There are other considerations too of course. For example, the different approaches can make big differences to how extensive the work is, how long it takes and how much it costs. In the two examples I have given, psychodynamic psychotherapy is normally longer-term method of treatment. CBT on the other hand is usually time-limited and shorter. Seeing a therapist for between six and twenty sessions is common.

Many counsellors nowadays recognise that perhaps no single theory has all the answers and therefore work ‘eclectically’, which means that they take bits from different theories. Whatever their approach, a counsellor will always explain to you how he or she works so that you can see if it feels right for you.

So, now you have worked out in general what type of counsellor you want, the next step is to make that call (which is your first step to change)! If you reach an answer phone, don’t be put off – you only need to leave a first name, a number and possibly a best time to call back. When you do speak to the counsellor for the first time, go ahead and ask the questions you want to. All good counsellors will be more than pleased to answer your questions.

After you have done all this, in my opinion, it’s then probably best to go with your gut feeling about who you would like to work with!

GOOD LUCK!

HOW TO BOOST YOUR BRAIN POWER

2009-10-21T01:58:00.000+02:00

“¿Puede leer este titular? Si no, esta es la razón...”*

*The headline says: “Can you read this headline? If not, here is the reason...”

This is taken from Liz Lightfoot’s article in The Observer, Sunday 3 August 2009. She interviewed some British schoolchildren and asked why so few of them were learning a foreign language. Their answers? Languages are 'hard', 'boring', 'confusing', 'embarrassing' and they can't wait to give them up. Language exams are perceived to be the hardest of all other subjects. So, since it is no longer compulsory to learn a second language in

England

, it is not surprising that entries for GCSE languages have plummeted in recent years.

According to the British Council, the British have a very bad reputation for not speaking foreign languages and according to a survey published in February 2006 by the European Commission the reputation is totally justified. The results of the survey state that the British are officially the worst language learners in Europe!

According to Nick Gibb, the Conservative shadow schools minister, this is because of “the appalling way” that languages are taught in English schools. In many schools, children are spending as little as 50 minutes a week on French, for example. Contrast this with

France

, where children start with one and a half hours of foreign language lessons a week in primary schools, rising to four at 12, then five and a half for 13- and 14-year-olds - and they usually study two languages. At the age of 15, pupils can add a third, bringing modern language lessons to eight hours a week.

Then there is

Sweden

, where pupils cannot progress onto higher education without having studied English to an advanced level. Those who study French, German or Spanish, meanwhile, are awarded additional weight when applying to university. Politicians introduced the rule to send a strong signal to students, parents and schools that language skills were useful and valued in society.

And yet, more and more Britons are travelling and relocating abroad. Those of us who have moved here to

Spain

usually start off with good intentions and a determination to learn Spanish and try to integrate with our local community. But often, because of the way we have been taught (or not taught!) foreign languages at school, we simply don’t have the expertise in this area of education to know how to best go about learning a second language ourselves, let alone helping our children to learn!

So, what can we do to help our children? Let’s start with children who are exposed to two languages from the beginning? Should parents who speak different native languages try to expose their children to both, or will that only confuse the child and make any kind of language learning harder? What's the best way to do this?

According to Psychologist Dr. Helen Bee, specialist in developmental psychology, parents shouldn’t be worried about exposing their child to two languages from the very start. The experts agree that the best way to help a child to learn two languages fluently is to speak both languages to the child from the beginning, especially if the two languages come at the child from different sources. For example, if Mum’s native language is English and Dad's is Spanish, Mum should speak only English to the infant/toddler and Dad should speak only Spanish. If both parents speak both languages to the child, or mix them up in their own speech, this is a much more difficult situation for the child and language learning will be delayed. It will also work if one language is always spoken at home and the other in a day-care centre, school, with playmates, or in some other outside situation.

For many children, however, the need to be bilingual does not begin in the home but only at school age. According to the UK Foreign and Commonwealth Office, there are estimated to be at least one million British Citizens living in

Spain

. Many English children arrive at here in

Spain

with little or no knowledge of Spanish.

So what is the best way to teach children a second language at the same time as the child is also being taught basic subject matter such as reading and mathematics? Should the child be immediately immersed in the new language? Should the child learn basic academic skills in his native language and only later learn Spanish as a second language? Or is there some combination of the two that will work?

The research findings are messy. Still, one thread does run through it all: Neither full immersion nor Spanish-as-a-second language programs are as effective as truly bilingual programs in which the child is given at least some of his/her basic instruction in subject matter in her native language in the first year or two of school, but is also exposed to the second language in the same classroom. After several years of such combined instruction, the child then makes a rapid transition to full use of the second language for all instruction.

Interestingly, in the analysis of this research, it has been found that the ideal arrangement is very much like what works best at home with toddlers: If some subjects are always taught in one language and other subjects in the other language, children learn the second language most easily. But if each sentence is translated, children do not learn the new language as quickly or as well.

And what about older children and adults? There has been much made of the ‘critical period’ for language acquisition. The basic idea of this critical period is that the first few years of life is the time when language develops. After this, (sometime between age 5 and puberty), it is much more difficult and perhaps even impossible to fully acquire the language. This theory has been supported by the research into ‘feral children’, one of the most famous of whom was “Genie” who was discovered when she was 13 years of age. She had spent her whole life strapped to a potty chair and locked in her bedroom. Her mother was virtually blind and her father was mentally unstable. If she vocalized at all he barked or growled at her. When she was found, Genie was mute. Despite intensive treatment, she never did acquire full speech and mostly communicated with sign language. But, the problem with this research is, as with other feral children studies, it’s not possible to prove that she didn’t have mental retardation anyway that might have affected her speech development.

This theory has often been extended to a critical period for second language acquisition, although this is much less widely accepted. We simply don’t know for sure if we acquire a second language in the same way as we acquired our first language. It does seem that older learners do not achieve the native-like fluency that younger learners display. But there are many adult bilinguals who master a second language even though they begin learning it when they are well into adulthood, long after any critical period has presumably come to a close. Overall though, it is generally agreed that younger people learning a second language typically achieve fluency more often than older learners. Older learners may be able to speak the language but will lack the native fluidity of younger learners.

Finally, according to researchers from University College London, learning a second language affects our brains. They studied the brains of 105 people, 80 of whom were bilingual. They found learning other languages altered ‘grey matter’ - the area of the brain which processes information - in the same way exercise builds muscles. Scientists already know the brain has the ability to change its structure as a result of stimulation - an effect known as plasticity - but this research demonstrates how learning languages develops it.

So, the bottom line is …. learning Spanish will not just be useful for our daily lives here, it may also boost our brain power!!!!!

ABOUT COUNSELLING

2009-10-13T12:43:00.000+02:00

The less we are aware of our thoughts, feelings, and motives, the more they control us and keep us stuck in old patterns that don’t work any more. Virtually all therapies and counselling work by expanding our awareness and helping us to discover the things that we are avoiding, masking, or ‘acting out’ in symptoms. Even when the goal of counselling is not symptom relief, when the goal is general increase in contentment, power, or freedom, the key is awareness.

That is why I strongly believe that:
“Knowledge of the self is the mother of all knowledge”
Kahlil Gibran
Counselling is a process of becoming aware of our own particular personality processes, or the parts of us that need or want things that make the rest of us miserable, and of how they all fit together.
Each of us has our own unique story. It will not be the same as anyone else’s, though there may be similarities.

Counselling Psychology in general

2009-10-13T12:41:00.000+02:00

Let me tell you a bit about Counselling Psychology in general:

It is a branch of psychology which aims to improve normal human functioning across the life span. Through the integration of theory, research and practice, this specialty encompasses a broad range of practices that help people to improve their well-being, alleviate distress, resolve crises, and increase their ability to live more functioning lives.

Counselling psychology derives its principles and practice from many psychological theories including:
· Cognitive Behavioural
· Brief Solution-focused
· Systemic
· Psychodynamic
Some of these look into our pasts to try to discover why we have a particular problem. Other theorists believe that it is more important to focus on the problem as it affects us here and now to find solutions to make our lives better.

Counselling Psychology

2009-10-13T12:38:00.000+02:00

Can help with a huge range of problems. In particular it can help us to:

· Manage stress and other pressures
· Deal with alcohol problems
· Resolve fears, panics and anxiety
· Break through depression
· Adjust to major life changes
· Cope with family problems
· Handle crises in relationships
· Work through difficult decisions

BUT, psychological counselling is not just about solving problems. It can also enable us to live more fulfilling lives and help us to:

· Feel happier within ourselves
· Find more fulfilling relationships
· Bring out and develop creativity
· Get better at self-expression
· Learn how to assert our needs
· Renew a sense of purpose in life
· Find pathways to self-discovery

IT’S AS BAD AS YOU THINK!

2009-10-13T12:35:00.000+02:00

You would be amazed at how many people still believe that months, or even years, of in-depth therapy is necessary to deal with emotional problems. This lying-on-the-couch, talking-about-your-dreams (or, worse, your sex-life) type of therapy might have been common some years ago. But Psychology has moved away from this and today counselling need not take more than a few sessions.

There are other, even more basic, changes in the philosophy behind therapy. Amongst the most important of these is that everyday emotional problems such as anxiety, depression, anger and jealousy are no longer thought of as medical problems. Some may be of course, but the vast majority of the problems that people come to counselling for are psychological in nature.

That is to say, most emotional problems are learned. They are bad habits, which we learned as we grew up. We were taught how to feel guilty, depressed, angry, and anxious. The people who taught us – our parents, teachers, or friends - were themselves taught the very same self-defeating emotions and habits. And, most importantly, unless we break the link in this destructive chain, we too will pass them on to our own children.

So, if these are habits which we learn then how do we change them? Well, we learn through education. So, anything that has been learned can be unlearned - with education. For example, people who suffer from severe anxiety will continue to do so all their lives unless they are taught how not to be anxious by someone who knows how anxiety is created. They don’t need a doctor, they are not sick. They don't even need therapy, they need education!

When viewed like this, today we can achieve results that earlier psychotherapists would not have believed possible. There are of course some emotional conditions will always be so severe that education alone will not help and medical help is essential. But, for the vast majority of people who seek counselling, all they need is to learn how they upset themselves and how they can unupset themselves. They can learn, for example, how anger can be reduced to annoyance, guilt to regret and fear to curiosity!

Not that we want to remove our strong feelings completely - that would leave us behaving like robots. No, we will always respond to frustrations as humans, not machines - but let us learn how to do this to an appropriate degree, not to a neurotic degree.

One of the therapies in the forefront of these changes is ‘Cognitive Behaviour Therapy’. CBT is one of the few forms of psychotherapy that has been scientifically tested and found to be effective. So, what is CBT all about?

Well, ‘cognition’ is just a fancy name for a thought. Thoughts create our moods and influence our behaviour. Many people think that their moods and feelings are beyond their control: “I can’t help the way I feel”. Some blame hormones, past childhood events, the state of the world, or whatever. And of course there is some truth in all of those. Another common assumption is that circumstances or other people cause the way we feel. If this were true, then everyone in a particular situation would experience exactly the same emotion. This is clearly not the case. So, it is not a situation in itself that may cause bad feelings, but the way we appraise or think about the situation. As the philosopher Epictetus in 1st Century AD said: “Men are disturbed not by things but by the view they take of them”.

Let’s just look at a simple example of how our thoughts can affect our mood:

Situation:
You have made a mistake at work and your boss criticises you for it.

You think:

You feel:
1. “It’s all my fault”

Guilty
2. “I look like a real idiot now”

Anxious
3. “Oh no, they’ll sack me now!”

Fearful
4. “How dare s/he speak to me like that?”

Angry
5. “I’m never going to get this right!”

Inadequate
6. “I wonder how that happened.”

Curious
7. “I must make sure I don’t miss that in future!”

Determined

These are just some possible thoughts we might have in that particular situation. As you see, each of those thoughts would lead to a different mood or feeling. In turn, they might also lead to different behaviours. For example, the ‘anxious’ ‘fearful’ and ‘inadequate’ people might be so worried that they become more likely to make further mistakes; the ‘angry’ person might have an argument or report the boss to superiors; and the ‘guilty’ person is likely to just feel rather miserable! On the other hand, the ‘curious’ and ‘determined’ people in this scenario are likely to have the best outcome. They have sufficient confidence in themselves not to over-react to the mistake made or to the criticism that followed.

At this stage you might now be thinking that CBT is just ‘positive thinking’, which is a common initial misunderstanding about CBT. But this is not the case, because in CBT the aim is to teach people to think realistically. In the example above, no one is likely to be pleased about making a mistake! Sometimes negative feelings are healthy and entirely appropriate and learning to cope with them is just as important. Some people think that CBT just seems too simple. In fact, the procedures to change deeply ingrained negative thinking patterns are quite sophisticated and can mean hard work at first. But, yes, the principles of CBT really are very simple: if you change your thoughts, you can change your world. Hence: “It’s as bad as you think!”